How to talk about them
how is language used by gender-diverse people to talk about themselves?
Gender-diverse people* use different methods of expressing their gender in their own cultural and linguistic contexts. Some languages, such as English, have a ready-made alternative, e.g. ‘they’, while many other languages, such as French, have had to create new ‘non-standard’ forms, e.g. ‘iel’ (instead of ‘il’ or ‘elle’), while others still have repurposed existing forms in their language, e.g. ‘ono’ (a third-person singular pronoun used for objects and children) in Polish. Other languages have yet to figure out how best to talk to and about gender-diverse people.
Below is a non-exclusive overview of the various ways in which gender-diverse people gender themselves in different languages, with a focus on spoken language. The basis for this list was a survey that I conducted here in Luxembourg, which had a very small sample size – this list is intended to be a small overview of how people may use language to gender themselves. As a result of the small sample size and Luxembourgish context, the below overview is quite Euro-centric and limited to eight languages, however even within this small sample you can see a range of methods.
This heterogeny of approaches can make talking about gender-diverse people complicated in multilingual contexts such as Luxembourg. Pronouns that seem ‘equivalent’ are not necessarily interchangeable, for example using gender-neutral language (e.g. ‘they/them’) in English, is far easier and less noticeable than using gender-neutral language in more gendered languages such as French (e.g. using the neopronoun ‘iel’). Some languages, such as English, make it a lot easier for people not to have to out themselves or hide their identity; as one respondent put it: ‘English has less gender markers, so it's less stressful to talk about myself without having to pick an ending that feels safe and appropriate’. Another stated that ‘gender is inherently present in French, making it nearly impossible for me to find a space for myself in my native language.’
Disclaimer: The survey and language in this article explained!
In this overview I will often refer to language as 'standard', in quotation marks. 'Standard' language is a classist, xenophobic and ableist concept of language as it 'should' be spoken, i.e. the ‘correct’ form of speaking a language. ‘Standard’ language norms are dictated by the privileged in our societies, usually white, upper-class men (think of L'Académie Française, or any other institutions that dictate how we should use language, completely ignoring how it is actually used in real-life contexts).
I take a far more descriptivist view of language - language is simply an ever-changing tool that we use to make ourselves understood and which we can adapt to different realities. As a tool for communication, it is only natural that language would evolve alongside us. For example, the word ‘computer’ has existed in English since the mid-1600s and used to refer to a person who made calculations, before subsequently being adopted for the ancestors of machines we call ‘computers’ today in the 19th century. Likewise, the use of singular ‘they’ used for persons of unknown gender has been attested since at least the 14th century (e.g. ‘someone left their bag here’), being an obvious choice for its later adoption by gender-diverse people as a gender-neutral pronoun.
The below list is intended to be an overview of other ways that gender-diverse people may gender themselves in various languages. This list is non-exclusive and, as always, the best way to know what language to use when talking about someone is to simply ask! Don’t make assumptions – gender presentation is not gender identity, and using one pronoun in one language doesn’t mean that person will choose to use the ‘equivalent’ pronoun in their other languages. Normalise asking how people want to be referred to!
The different ways gender-diverse people express themselves linguistically
Methods common across different languages:
Multiple pronouns
One way that seems to be common across linguistic cultures and contexts is the use of multiple or any pronouns. This means different things to different people. Some people are happy being referred to by any pronoun, with little-to-no preference of how often each pronoun should be used. Others prefer that you use their combination of pronouns relatively equally, e.g. someone with ‘they/he’ pronouns may prefer you to switch it up regularly, for example ‘I love the coat they are wearing today, he looks so good’.
Mixing gendered language
Some people may also prefer mixing grammatical genders, i.e. using a masculine noun with a feminine adjective. For example: ‘meu amiga é bonito’ in Portuguese, ‘هو جميلة’ in Arabic or ‘elle est beau’ in French.
Avoiding gendered language completely
Some people prefer just being referred to by name, or to avoid the need for gendered language by simply using the word ‘person’. For example, in Polish or Portuguese you can use the word ‘osoba’ or ‘pessoa’ (‘person’), which is feminine in grammatical gender but does not correspond to the gender of the person in question. E.g. ‘Ta osoba jest taka piękna’ (‘That person is so beautiful’) or ‘Aquela pessoa é do Brasil’ (‘That person is from Brazil’).
Arabic
Nouns, pronouns, verbs and adjectives all indicate grammatical gender (masculine or feminine) in Arabic, which can make it difficult for gender-diverse people to find a way to express themselves. Arabic is also complicated to distil into just one paragraph and some bullet points due to the differences between written and spoken Arabic, and also due to its wide range of dialects. In addition, different dialects often opt for different solutions based on their ‘standard’ rules (for example, standard Tunisian Arabic only uses the ‘feminine’ pronoun for everyone, even though nouns, verbs and adjectives must still all agree with the gender of the person in question). Even if solutions are being explored for pronouns in Arabic, there do not appear to be many widespread solutions for the rest of the parts of speech, for example, even if using the pronouns used below, the speaker still has to then use masculine and feminine forms for the adjectives.
‘هما’ and 'أنتما’ - dual pronouns (used to refer to two people) that are part of standard Arabic and have been adopted by some gender-diverse people
e.g.هُمَا قَرَآ كِتَابًا
or
هُمَا قَرَأَتَا كِتَابًا‘هم’ - grammatically masculine plural pronoun
e.g. هُم يُحِبّونَ القَهوةَ
English
Since English already has a gender-neutral singular pronoun and does not have gendered adjectives or verbs, it is often seen as the easiest language for gender-diverse people to use.
‘they/them’
e.g. I love their outfit today
French
French is a fairly gendered language, with only two ‘standard’ grammatical genders (feminine and masculine) and gendered adjectives and nouns. In addition, French words often do not have regular endings that can be adapted in a regular way. For this reason, a very common strategy in French seems to be to use both feminine and masculine pronouns and gender markers. Gender-diverse people in French who don’t want to use feminine or masculine language have to use new, ‘non-standard’ pronouns, adjectives, determiners and nouns to describe themselves.
‘iel’ - created by combining ‘il’ and ‘elle’.
E.g. Iel a les clésFor other parts of speech in French (e.g. adjectives, determiners, possessive pronouns, nouns), gender-diverse people may combine the two gendered forms to make new forms (e.g. ‘mon’ + ‘ma’ = ‘ma·on’) or simply repeat the words in both forms (if these forms are different in spoken language - luckily many adjectives in French sound the same when spoken, e.g. ‘préféré’ and ‘préférée’.
E.g. Iel est ma·on instituteur·ice OR
E.g. Iel est ma·mon instituteur·institutrice
German
Although German has three grammatical genders (masculine, feminine and neuter), the neuter form is not used by gender-diverse people as it is considered to be rude or dehumanising – it would be like using ‘it’ in English. Instead, neopronouns are often used. Other techniques have also been adopted for gendered nouns, adjectives and determiners.
‘dey/deren/denen/dey’ - neopronoun
E.g. Ich bin denen kürzlich begegnet
‘xier/xieser/xiem/xien’ - neopronoun
E.g. Xier will verreisen
‘sier/sies/siem/sien’ - neopronoun
E.g. Ich vermisse sien so sehrFor gendered nouns, adjectives and determiners, a ‘gender pause’ can be added where it is easy to distinctly separate the two gendered endings. In written text this is indicated by separating the two gendered forms or endings with punctuation, e.g. ‘Professor:in’ or ‘Professor*in’ or ‘Professor_in’, and is pronounced using a glottal stop (think of how many Brits pronounce the ‘t’ in ‘water’).
E.g. Die Universität Luxemburg sucht eine:n neue:n Professor:in für KosmologieNouns can also be shortened or ‘-ir’ or ‘-on’ added, e.g.‘Doktir’/’Doktoron’ (instead of ‘Doktor’/ ‘Doktorin’)
E.g. Mein Doktir hat mit ein Mittel gegen Bauchweh verschrieben
Luxembourgish
Although Luxembourgish is a gendered language, its grammar reflects this less than other languages. Pronouns appear to be the main issue when it comes to language used by gender-diverse people, although adjectives can sometimes be gendered too. Interestingly, while there is a ‘neuter’ grammatical gender, it does not appear to be commonly used as a pronoun by gender-diverse people.
‘tza’ (no set spelling - often also spelt ‘dsa’ or ‘za’) - an informal third person singular pronoun that comes from ‘d’Sau’ (‘the sow’ in English, i.e. a female pig). In Luxembourgish slang ‘d’Sau’ is used to refer to a person of any gender, and it was then adopted into a pronoun by gender-diverse people - it initially had a somewhat pejorative connotation that still sometimes shines through, but is not inherently pejorative (one respondent stated that ‘dsa’ won them over ‘because of its comedic effect’).
E.g. Tza ass scho rem ze spéit komm an ech hunn dza säit 2 Méint net mei gesinn.
Polish
Polish is an incredibly gendered language - not only are adjectives and nouns gendered, as with many other languages, but so is the past tense.
‘Ono’ - a gender-neutral pronoun that already exists in ‘standard’ Polish but is only typically used for children and objects. There are also existing corresponding adjective forms:
E.g. Ono jest szczęśliweThe past tense in Polish is gendered using ‘non-standard’ forms since the ‘standard’ neutral form is the same as the masculine. The vowel in gendered past tense forms is replaced with ‘o’ - for example ‘byłom’ instead of ‘byłam’ or ‘byłem’
E.g. Byłom w Warszawie
Portuguese
Portuguese is fairly gendered, however it also has fairly easily replaceable gender markers. Portuguese speakers have created new gender-neutral forms by replacing existing gender markers.
‘Elu’ is the most common pronoun – it is an adaptation of ‘ela’ (‘she’) and ‘ele’ (‘he’)
E.g. Elu bebeu muita água‘Ile’ is another common neopronoun
E.g. Ile fala muito depressa‘e’ is often used instead of ‘a’ or ‘o’ as an ending for adjectives and nouns, e.g. ‘obrigade’ instead of ‘obrigada’ or ‘obrigado’. Other forms have also been created, e.g. the possessive pronouns ‘minhe’, ‘nosse’ and ‘isse’ (instead of ‘meu’, ‘nosso’ and ‘esse’)
E.g Minhe amige é boniteThere are various alternatives for articles, the most commonly used being ‘ê’ (instead of ‘a’ or ‘o’:
E.g. Ê estudante trabalha duro
Spanish
Despite being a fairly gendered language, Spanish, like Portuguese, has more easily replaceable gender markers than other Romance languages such as French, as seen below. By changing the typical masculine or feminine endings, Spanish speakers have created new gender-neutral forms.
‘elle’ (instead of ‘ella’ or ‘él’)
E.g. A elle le gusta bailarFor adjectives and nouns, people often change the ending to ‘e’ e.g. ‘profesore’ instead of ‘profesor’ or ‘profesora’ or ‘belle’ instead of ‘bella’ or ‘bello’
E.g. Elle esta cansade
Thank you to everyone who responded to my survey and a huge thank you to everyone who helped me understand and create examples for the languages I don’t speak. If anyone notices any errors or has any comments, please feel free to reach out through the déi aner email.
* In this article I have chosen to mainly use the term ‘gender-diverse people’ throughout – I have used it as an umbrella term to encompass a range of gender identities outside the binary, including non-binary, genderqueer, genderfluid, trans and agender identities.
Websites used for this article: queer.lu, nassawiyat.org & kohljournal.press